The deeper I look, the stranger stuff I find. This one’s an old party invitation. No really, this was the only text I included to describe the holiday party I invited friends to. It resulted in some confused guests, tentative RSVPs, and an amazing party. It’s kind of clunky, with some awkward word choices, but I think it would make a fun children’s book…I also keep laughing at how the Mill Fire keeps popping up often in my writing. The stories must all take place in the same universe.

Carl

The squirrel padded along the verdant path of needles and leaves. His friend, Hoofy the Clumsy Deer, followed close behind, occasionally tripping on a log or rock protruding from the snow-patched ground.

The squirrel’s name was Carl. “Catch up, Hoofy!” he called over his shoulder. They were already late, and being late made him grouchy. A lot of things made him grouchy since he quit smoking.

“I’m going as fast as I…”, Hoofy’s sentence was cut short by a strangled gasp as he caught his antlers in a low-hanging branch and his gangly legs went flying out from under him. He thrashed for a few seconds, scattering snow everywhere, then went still in defeat, awkwardly suspended from the branch by his antlers. Swaying and bobbing slowly, he sighed. “Um…a little help here?”

Carl snorted through his nose. He considered leaving the young fawn there. Serve him right. Getting caught like that, being careless, when they were already late. Especially today, a few days before Christmas, and on the way to the party! He needed a drink.

Carl exhaled, then scampered up the tree to the branch that had snared his friend. The branch held the deer like velcro, inextricably linked. Carl tried to jimmy one section of the branch away from Hoofy. No luck. Then he tried to jump up and down on the branch, but it barely moved.

“Any ideas, bright guy?” he growled as he sat on the branch, his fluffy tail twitching in irritation.

“Uh…you could set the branch on fire maybe?” Hoofy ventured hopefully in the cracking voice of the typical teenage deer, but Carl bristled. He hadn’t smoked since the Mill Fire, but still felt pretty tore up about it, and was sensitive to the occasional jibes that the hedgehogs, those fucking smartass hedgehogs, threw at him. He started to say something devastating, but realized his friend probably didn’t mean anything by it; he was just trying to be helpful. He was just formulating something inspiring to say to fortify his friend’s spirits when the bear came lumbering into sight.

“Over here!” cried Hoofy before Carl could react.

Carl, horrified, watched as the gigantic brown bear swung its massive head with deep-set eyes over towards the duo. The bear stopped for a second, then slowly changed directions and lumbered towards the pair.

“See…uh, we’re, um, stuck and would really appreciate it if you…”. Carl’s stammering pleas were cut short by the bear interrupting him with something unintelligible but thick with consonants.

The bear spoke only Russian.

Still, it understood enough to come closer to the bewildered pair, and just before it appeared that it would collide with Hoofy, he veered to one side and lazily swatted the branch with one weighty paw, shattering the branch, flinging Carl through the air, and freeing Hoofy, who fell and landed smartly on his white rump.

“Thanks a lot!” called Carl after the receding bear, rubbing the quickly growing bump on his head upon which he had landed. He wasn’t sure if he meant it sarcastically or not.

The bear muttered something in Russian back, still lumbering off.

“Hey wait!” Carl said before he could catch the words coming out of his mouth. The bear stopped, then looked back. Hoofy whimpered softly under his breath.

Encouraged, Carl forged ahead. “We’re, um, we’re going to a party. Do you want to come with us? I’m sure Mike won’t mind.” The bear clearly didn’t understand, so Carl tried a different tack: “You know, party? Vodka?” he asked as he pantomimed holding a glass and tipping it into his mouth, then crossed his eyes.

“Vodka!” the bear roared with a thick accent, then laughed. It was a terrifying sound that echoed through the forest, and small puddle formed under the shivering Hoofy. The bear shifted his bulk towards the pair.

The three headed off into the chilly night, warmed by the thought of new friends, old friends not seen in a long time, and the party ahead.

Carl hoped this was a good idea.