First published in PQMonthly.
FeelTheBern69
537 Miles Away
74 Years Old
5’8″, 162 lbs, Some Hair
I Am Into: Geeks, College, Daddy Chasers
Open To: Friendships, Relationships, Dates, Elizabeth Warren as a running mate
What I’m Looking For: My socks! Haha. Looking for a reason to delete this app. Fiscal Top but social Bottom. Looking for someone to bring home to mom. Intelligence, self-awareness, confidence a must. Currently job hunting/interviewing so may relocate in November of 2016, please be open to relocate too. Like to read, take walks, go to the gym but not lately haha. Sometimes shy until I warm up to people. Want to Netflix and chill? HMU. Tested neg 8/2015 and poz friendly.
Thanks for all the woofs guys, sorry I can’t reply to everyone.
NiceGuyJeb
1,244 Miles Away
62 Years Old
6’3″, 185 lbs, Hairy
I Am Into: Geeks, College, Muscle, Daddy Chasers, Daddies, Twinks, Jocks
Open To: Relationships
What I’m Looking For: New on here and just checking it out. Come from a big family. INTJ on the Myers-Briggs scale. Occasional smoker but trying to quit. Likes: gardening, my dog, the beach, cooking, travel, just got into Crossfit. Looking for someone to complete me, make me laugh, recognize that we are all flawed and people make mistakes. Once stole an election to give to my brother but got help afterwards and I don’t do that anymore. Please be normal. Snapchat: @JebBush
RODham2016
1,206 Miles Away
67 Years Young
5’6″, 140 lbs, Smooth
I Am Into: Jocks, Muscle, College, Daddies
Open To: Friendships, Relationships, Dates
What I’m Looking For: No face, no reply! If I wanted pictures of dicks I would go onto LinkedIn. Into cooking, eating (sometimes too much, lol), politics, yoga, mental health, wine tastings. Enjoy life one day at a time, have a great job where I travel a lot, but willing to settle down in a year or so. Sorry will only chat with single people. Emotionally available and vulnerable, UB too, please. Looking to get into 4 or 8 year relationship, not looking for a quick hookup or to parTy. Don’t like to chat a lot on this app, let’s meet up IRL. If you have nice legs I’ll ignore your personality flaws.
Check out my Instagram: @hillaryclinton. Follow for follow.
Not a bottom.
TrumpBearLkn4Fun
>250 Feet Away
69 Years Old
215 lbs, Very Hairy
I am: Discreet, Bear, Daddy, Leather
Open To: Random Play/NSA, Networking
What I’m Looking For: Deleting this profile tomorrow. NO FATS NO FEMS. Masc4Masc ONLY. Total dom top, hung and hairy for same only. No illegals. Into gun-play. If you open your mouth and a purse falls out of it we’re probably not a good match. Not into the Washington DC “scene” and if you are we probably won’t be a good match. If I unlock my pics and you don’t, then I’ll block you and we’re probably not a good match. Men not “boi”s. Be okay with unconventional hair styles. PNP? Sure. Married but we play together ONLY. Don’t be a liar. No kissing. Just because I viewed your profile doesn’t mean I’m interested. Please no “woofs”.
Hey a lot of my pics have been stolen lately, THESE GUYS ARE NOT ME. PLEASE REPORT THEM. Thanks.
No expectations.
If you loved this post, read about that time I used a “hookup app” to go husband-hunting, or the time I went on a 30-day dating cleanse. Let’s be horrible people together!